How shall I begin, if not with: "sorry for not updating"????
I am. Sorry, that is. I know that I've created a situation in which people are hesitant to ask me how it's going, so they come to the blog, and there's nothing here.
Believe me, when there is encouraging news to report, I can hardly wait to get online and shout it from the rooftops.
Days like these, however, are more complicated. It's not discouraging, per se, but it's so confusing and inconsistent and mysterious. I'm just sick of myself whining about it. I am exhausted and frustrated and mystified and conflicted and ineffective and impatient and skeptical and scared and resigned and just so very tired of all of... this.
I want my Jimmy back.
Showing posts with label blah. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blah. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Sunday, June 6
Sorry for the lapse in updates! I've been distracted by a hellish household electronics vortex of horror.
It's been a rough couple of days for our young hero. If Wobbles were a superpower, he'd surely save the world. He's been unable to use the walker at all since we brought it home, he can't find that elusive balance point. Blah, blah, blah.
We tried out the motorized wheelchair at Mission Beach, those things are pretty sweet! The attendant tried to tell me that he could only use the manual chair because the electric ones were reserved for people with permanent disabilities. I did my patented vapid blink at him until I figured out that he was assuming Jimmy had a tweaked knee or something (no, his mom's the one with the bum knee). When I assured him that our wobble boy's predicament was legit, he hooked us up and also gave us a bunch of cool info about camps and programs we can look into over the summer.
Tonight Jimmy got really mad at Clara for riding her bike. It seems that they'd made a secret pact that she won't ride until he can, too. Sweet, so very sweet - but also so very not fair. They both had friends over and he had just terrorized the girls away from the vicinity of his video games.
My sister Ellie texted me that she knows someone who has a child with a very similar story. She's going to put us in touch via email. You have no idea how badly I need to hear every detail. One of the most frustrating aspects of this ordeal is that no one shares it; there's no one to compare stories with, no real life happy ending to give us encouragement when everything seems overwhelming. Now would be a really good time for a success story.
On a lighter note, Jimmy received an awesome get well card from his Great Uncle Dave. The card itself made him laugh because it said "poopy," and inside was a $10 and the note: "James Kennedys are tough. You'll get through this. In the meantime, buy yourself an ice cream on your old Uncle Dave." Bill's dad - Dave's brother - is also James Kennedy =)
Highs and lows, on we wobble.
Better things tomorrow?
It's been a rough couple of days for our young hero. If Wobbles were a superpower, he'd surely save the world. He's been unable to use the walker at all since we brought it home, he can't find that elusive balance point. Blah, blah, blah.
We tried out the motorized wheelchair at Mission Beach, those things are pretty sweet! The attendant tried to tell me that he could only use the manual chair because the electric ones were reserved for people with permanent disabilities. I did my patented vapid blink at him until I figured out that he was assuming Jimmy had a tweaked knee or something (no, his mom's the one with the bum knee). When I assured him that our wobble boy's predicament was legit, he hooked us up and also gave us a bunch of cool info about camps and programs we can look into over the summer.
Tonight Jimmy got really mad at Clara for riding her bike. It seems that they'd made a secret pact that she won't ride until he can, too. Sweet, so very sweet - but also so very not fair. They both had friends over and he had just terrorized the girls away from the vicinity of his video games.
My sister Ellie texted me that she knows someone who has a child with a very similar story. She's going to put us in touch via email. You have no idea how badly I need to hear every detail. One of the most frustrating aspects of this ordeal is that no one shares it; there's no one to compare stories with, no real life happy ending to give us encouragement when everything seems overwhelming. Now would be a really good time for a success story.
On a lighter note, Jimmy received an awesome get well card from his Great Uncle Dave. The card itself made him laugh because it said "poopy," and inside was a $10 and the note: "James Kennedys are tough. You'll get through this. In the meantime, buy yourself an ice cream on your old Uncle Dave." Bill's dad - Dave's brother - is also James Kennedy =)
Highs and lows, on we wobble.
Better things tomorrow?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1
We left the house at 8:45 am yesterday, and got home at 9:45 pm! No time to update. For the record, we give the new Karate Kid remake two enthusiastic thumbs up despite the fact that we didn’t get homework done and everyone in my family was a big heavy grump this morning.
Bill came along to PT for the first time, which lightened the mood a little bit. Jimmy acts so differently there, I know this particular therapist was recommended for Jimmy’s specific case, but I sometimes wonder if a younger, sillier PT would get more out of him. He complained that she talks to him like a preschooler, and I told him that if he starts to acts like himself, she will get to know him and they can have more fun doing things that are geared toward his interests and abilities. She had him up and walking more than any previous session, using the walker with a belt around his waist so she could support him. We might take the walker home with us this weekend for practice.
The movie was an advance screening with the gang from our Karate dojo. It was the first time Jimmy had been around these kids since this whole mess started, and it was a little awkward. It hadn’t occurred to us that the kids would have no idea why he hasn’t been to karate, so they were surprised to see him in the wheelchair and were quick to ask: “What happened?” Of course, there’s no quick reply to that. He’d go into this “um, well I can’t really walk because I lost my balance” or “I have cer-a-bel-axia or something.” I still think he needs to come up with a better story, something interesting that discourages additional questions, like: “I fell from the tightrope” or “I’m waiting for a butt transplant.” Any suggestions? I overheard one little girl telling her parents: “you know that kid Jimmy? He’s in a wheelchair and the doctors don’t know why!” Ugh. I’m going to send an email over to the dojo later to explain a little bit more of the situation so that they can answer questions.
So this morning he was impossible to get out of bed, and he was just a mess of tired. He begged and pleaded to go back to bed, he said he was too weak to even go to the bathroom, he was completely woebegone. Of course, I start to worry that something new is going on, his muscles are degenerating or he’s developing one of those horrible diseases that they tested him for. I made a plan in my head to call both docs and ask about repeating tests, etc. Then I sternly told my boy that I was not staying home because he was tired, so suck it up. Once he got dressed, we had 10 minutes so I suggested that he take a power nap before we left for school. I stopped running around and tucked him in on the couch and rubbed his forehead and spoke softly. He closed his eyes for those 10 minutes, and was miraculously restored. It’s very difficult to distinguish between the typical behavior of an 11 year old boy and the manifestation of a neurological disorder. They are mutually exclusive.
We are awaiting a replacement wheelchair and copies of his outpatient records, which were not included in the first set I received. On we roll.
Bill came along to PT for the first time, which lightened the mood a little bit. Jimmy acts so differently there, I know this particular therapist was recommended for Jimmy’s specific case, but I sometimes wonder if a younger, sillier PT would get more out of him. He complained that she talks to him like a preschooler, and I told him that if he starts to acts like himself, she will get to know him and they can have more fun doing things that are geared toward his interests and abilities. She had him up and walking more than any previous session, using the walker with a belt around his waist so she could support him. We might take the walker home with us this weekend for practice.
The movie was an advance screening with the gang from our Karate dojo. It was the first time Jimmy had been around these kids since this whole mess started, and it was a little awkward. It hadn’t occurred to us that the kids would have no idea why he hasn’t been to karate, so they were surprised to see him in the wheelchair and were quick to ask: “What happened?” Of course, there’s no quick reply to that. He’d go into this “um, well I can’t really walk because I lost my balance” or “I have cer-a-bel-axia or something.” I still think he needs to come up with a better story, something interesting that discourages additional questions, like: “I fell from the tightrope” or “I’m waiting for a butt transplant.” Any suggestions? I overheard one little girl telling her parents: “you know that kid Jimmy? He’s in a wheelchair and the doctors don’t know why!” Ugh. I’m going to send an email over to the dojo later to explain a little bit more of the situation so that they can answer questions.
So this morning he was impossible to get out of bed, and he was just a mess of tired. He begged and pleaded to go back to bed, he said he was too weak to even go to the bathroom, he was completely woebegone. Of course, I start to worry that something new is going on, his muscles are degenerating or he’s developing one of those horrible diseases that they tested him for. I made a plan in my head to call both docs and ask about repeating tests, etc. Then I sternly told my boy that I was not staying home because he was tired, so suck it up. Once he got dressed, we had 10 minutes so I suggested that he take a power nap before we left for school. I stopped running around and tucked him in on the couch and rubbed his forehead and spoke softly. He closed his eyes for those 10 minutes, and was miraculously restored. It’s very difficult to distinguish between the typical behavior of an 11 year old boy and the manifestation of a neurological disorder. They are mutually exclusive.
We are awaiting a replacement wheelchair and copies of his outpatient records, which were not included in the first set I received. On we roll.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Friday, May 28
The start of summer sure brings mixed feelings this year... although there are a number of cool sand-friendly wheelchairs available to borrow at the beaches, it's not going to be the same with Jimmy unable to swim, boogeyboard, or even just run around. Hopefully that won't be the case for long, but it's feeling less likely that his situation will improve significantly in the near future. As for the immediate future, we're going to stick to pools this weekend.
Physical Therapy was hard work for him, but he is willing to try anything and doesn't complain (until we get home). The therapist who saw him for the eval last Wednesday worked with him again, and it must have been a shock for her to see how things have changed in those few days. We've been through these ups and downs --- well, a lot of downs and almost one week of ups --- but she had only seen him during that fleeting "up", so she got a real look at what we're dealing with.
I scheduled his remaining 5 authorized visits - she is not at all concerned with the issue of extending them, we'll do that after the 3rd visit. We'll be tehre on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I initially tried to work around what was convenient for us and did not require missing school, but I got a call later that evening to change some of the later appointments we'd made because after consulting with the doctor, she wants Jimmy one-on-one for each hour long session, and she wants to be the only one who sees him. I'm glad that they are paying attention, heartsick that my boy needs such specialized care.
He was exhausted last night, the PT said to imagine that he'd spent the full hour doing jumping jacks, because that's how hard his body is working just at the simple simple tasks she set for him. We were encouraged that just with the techniques and coaching she offered during that hour, he was better able to stand with support by the end of the session, but we're still not anywhere near ready to size him for a walker.
As for me, I'm feeling very antisocial with people. I almost want to avoid seeing people because I'm tired of blah-blah-blahing about all of this all of the time. It's hard to switch gears when I'm at work or at the gym or out shopping and someone stops me with questions. I want to welcome them, there's a part of me that wants and needs to continually talk about this thing that is always right at the tip of my consciousness, but I guess I just need a break sometimes. I have a hard time answering techinical or medical questions, especially when the person asking clearly knows more than I do about the subject. I've got trust in his medical care - not blind trust, but trust nonetheless. So if I am unable to answer your questions about which tests have been run and what the exact results were or what the doctors' opinions are, it's not because I haven't been paying attention, it's just that with so many details and emotions jumbled up into the mess of these last five weeks, I can't always come up with specific information. Once I have those medical records in hand, believe me you are welcome to review them. In fact, I'd very much appreciate it. In the meantime, let's talk about other stuff, okay?
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Physical Therapy was hard work for him, but he is willing to try anything and doesn't complain (until we get home). The therapist who saw him for the eval last Wednesday worked with him again, and it must have been a shock for her to see how things have changed in those few days. We've been through these ups and downs --- well, a lot of downs and almost one week of ups --- but she had only seen him during that fleeting "up", so she got a real look at what we're dealing with.
I scheduled his remaining 5 authorized visits - she is not at all concerned with the issue of extending them, we'll do that after the 3rd visit. We'll be tehre on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and I initially tried to work around what was convenient for us and did not require missing school, but I got a call later that evening to change some of the later appointments we'd made because after consulting with the doctor, she wants Jimmy one-on-one for each hour long session, and she wants to be the only one who sees him. I'm glad that they are paying attention, heartsick that my boy needs such specialized care.
He was exhausted last night, the PT said to imagine that he'd spent the full hour doing jumping jacks, because that's how hard his body is working just at the simple simple tasks she set for him. We were encouraged that just with the techniques and coaching she offered during that hour, he was better able to stand with support by the end of the session, but we're still not anywhere near ready to size him for a walker.
As for me, I'm feeling very antisocial with people. I almost want to avoid seeing people because I'm tired of blah-blah-blahing about all of this all of the time. It's hard to switch gears when I'm at work or at the gym or out shopping and someone stops me with questions. I want to welcome them, there's a part of me that wants and needs to continually talk about this thing that is always right at the tip of my consciousness, but I guess I just need a break sometimes. I have a hard time answering techinical or medical questions, especially when the person asking clearly knows more than I do about the subject. I've got trust in his medical care - not blind trust, but trust nonetheless. So if I am unable to answer your questions about which tests have been run and what the exact results were or what the doctors' opinions are, it's not because I haven't been paying attention, it's just that with so many details and emotions jumbled up into the mess of these last five weeks, I can't always come up with specific information. Once I have those medical records in hand, believe me you are welcome to review them. In fact, I'd very much appreciate it. In the meantime, let's talk about other stuff, okay?
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)